#BeKind
I volunteer with a local group in my community, Run for MI Life. I will speak about our work in later posts, but I make mention now because this is where I first embraced, Be Kind. I had always tried to practice kindness towards others, but I learned a new, and what I found was a more difficult kindness. Being kind to myself. This kindness towards others is the common Western view of compassion, whereas in Buddhist psychology, compassion for oneself is seen to be as significant as compassion towards others. Now through my studies, I am learning more about self-compassion, and I am fast becoming a fan of Kristin Neff.
Follow the link to watch Kristin Neff speak about the three components of self-compassion,
- self-kindness versus self-judgement
- common humanity versus isolation
- mindfulness versus over-identification
What really resonates with me is the acknowledgment that I as a human being will fail. I will suffer and I will feel inadequate, but I am worthy of compassion. And this for me is the key for differentiating self-compassion from self-pity, where in the the past I have harshly judged myself, tended toward isolation and really over-identified with my perceived suffering. How am I learning to move forward? By moving backward through these three components of self-compassion,
- Mindfulness meditation help to quiet my inner critic and acknowledge what is happening around me.
- Connecting with others for support help find my common humanity. At this point I don’t need for someone to help ‘fix’ the problem, just be with me in the emotion.
- This has lead me to the freedom to move away from self-judgement to self-kindness.
But it is not just me using self-compassion. Research is increasing, including work around the COVID-19 pandemic. Results have shown increasing self compassion can improve wellbeing and coping skills. Positive results have been found in the Alcohol and Other Drugs (AODS) space, where participants can be high in trauma-related guilt and shame, although it should be noted, further research is required due to low sample sizes.
So, how can you work on your self-compassion? Mindfulness meditation. Lets explore Kindness-Based Meditation (KBM). KBM is made up of a range of mediation techniques to encourage the participant to consciously embrace kindness. A Google search will find many such techniques, 8,680,000 results in fact. There is no right or wrong, just find a meditation practice that feels comfortable to you. If you are new to meditation, be patient and stick with it, KBM may be challenging. The first audio link is a loving kindness mediation from Kristin Neff. For moments of higher self judgement, you may like to consider the RAIN of self-compassion by Tara Brach.
How often? Most interventions aimed for a daily practice, which in some cases was only 15 minutes each day. I would like to conclude by suggesting self-compassion is not just a self-care bubble bath and incense, it is a far deeper experience. Perhaps we shall discuss self-care in future posts, in the meantime, remember #BeKind.
Growing Wellbeing and Resilience - A Bearded Journey 